happy 5 months’ Harrf!

you won’t be reading this i know, but i hope someday, somebody you know or you yourself will stumble upon this. and realise how much i value you and love you. i think slowly, subconsciously, i’ve fallen in love with you without meaning to. i told myself that i’d better not fall too deep into this. cos the deeper i fall, the sadder it’ll be. cos eventually, i dunno, what if we are not together. you are my first boyfriend. it’ll be amazing and surprising that we ll ever be partners for life. not in this day and time, not for this generation. realistically.

i realised that i indeed had fallen for you. i can get upset over small little things just cos i care so much about you. i know, that i wont be behaving in such an erratic manner if it were anyone else. i get jealous when you become over friendly with other girls. that is just out of the question. why don’t other girls’ boyfriends act really chummy with other girls in front of their girlfriends? and yet you do. and i cant imagine what you’ll be like behind my back. how exactly friendly will you be. you are giving them the wrong idea and giving me a really bad bad impression and feel aobut all this.

and i don’t like it.

and we are 5 mths’ together. i’m bewildered by the stamina that we’ve portrayed. how could we have lasted for such a long time, given our disputes. the frequency of it. well. are we just forcing too hard?

happy birthday kwa. it’s ur birthday and the idea of 23 cans of mocha came from me!! i have to claim credit for it. cos harrif’s handwriting was all over the cans. and i didnt get to contribute anything. :< well. the birthday thing just reminds me of how old i am, actually.

let’s not go there.

i’ve been telling myself how much time i need to study everyday. and put my 100 and 1 percent into this. cos that’s it i have. before it’s too late. and ncsh. and my future. i dunno. things are just rigged and unforseeable. i should stop wallowing in vegetable theory.

toodles.

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